Developmental vs. Chronological Age: What’s the difference?

A psychologist at my first internship rotation hammered into all the students who would cross her path the concepts of developmental age and chronological age. She emphasized how important they would be in all of our future careers—she was right.

But how are they important to parents?

Chronological age is pretty straightforward: it is simply how physically old your child is. When a small child holds up her fingers and says, “I’m this many old,” she is telling us her chronological age (if she’s right, of course).

Determining a child’s developmental age is trickier.

Developmental age measures someone’s behavioral, cognitive and physical development in contrast to the typical person in the same age range. Consider behaviors and learning tasks that a typical 1st grader displays: learning to read, basic addition, cooperative play and taking turns. If a person’s developmental and chronological ages match, we tend to not notice because it’s expected.

However, it can be a problem when the two don’t match.

Stevie and his different “ages”

Recognizing that a child’s developmental and chronological ages can be different is an important first step.

Let’s consider 10-year-old “Stevie,” who has a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. While he has the vocabulary and memory of a typical 10-year-old, his ability to read body language and control impulses (such as interrupting people or angry outbursts) is more typical for a 6-year-old. Stevie is going to have a challenging time in school and in making friends.

Often, adults and other kids expect Stevie to “act his age” because they see a 10-year-old and expect 10-year-old behavior. This potentially creates a problematic cycle:

• Adults expect 10-year-old behavior when he legitimately cannot give it in all ways

• They get angry at him for not meeting that expectation

• Stevie gets frustrated that, despite his attempts, he continues to fail and get punished

• Stevie starts viewing himself as “broken” or “dumb” and stops trying

• Adults get more angry as his skills continue to fall behind

What can parents do? Think in different domains.

Parents and professionals should work together to identify what areas correlate to the child’s chronological and developmental ages. I often coach parents on how to think about their child’s developmental age in different domains.

For Stevie, his parents can expect him to use the language of a 10-year-old. Their behavior should reinforce, challenge and support his behavior in that domain. However, they shouldn’t expect a 10-year-old’s emotional or behavioral control.

An important clarification is this adjustment of expectations is not done to convince them that Stevie cannot succeed in the future. Quite the opposite, in fact. It can help parents have realistic expectations of where his challenges are right now, in order to help build foundational skills for future success.  If they are looking for him to master typical 6-year-old skills, they can praise them instead of being frustrated at Stevie’s lack of “obvious” skills. Ironically, this lowering of (certain) expectations can lead to the increase of skills that parents are seeking.

R. Boccamazzo, PsyD, LMHCA

Dr. Boccamazzo is a doctor of clinical psychology and social skills coach with Aspiring Youth. In addition, he is the clinical director of TakeThis.org, a national nonprofit focused on mental health and the gamer community, runs a private psychology practice in Bellevue offering individual therapy and psychological assessment to adolescents and adults, and provides parent and clinician trainings on technology in psychology. Much of his work focuses on high functioning autism, problematic technology usage, social anxiety, trauma and games. In his spare time, he enjoys acting, cooking, board games and video games.