So, they play video games. But what does that mean?

Video games have grown up – as have those who play them (average gamer age is 35). Some classics like The Legend of Zelda or Super Mario Brothers are at least 30 years old, so it’s safe to say that video games are part of our culture.

Despite this, I routinely encounter clinicians and parents who use the term “video games” as if the media are homogeneous. They’re unaware of the differences among games, as well as what people gain from playing them. In other words, they are missing the “why” someone plays the games they do.

Someone who plays Minecraft does so for different reasons than someone who plays role playing games such as Skyrim or Dragon Age: Inquisition. A teen who plays stealth action games like Metal Gear Solid V: Phantom Pain does so for different reasons than those who play massively multiplayer online (MMO) games like League of Legends.

These differences are clinically important. When clinicians wants to help someone eliminate a behavior (perhaps like an adolescent playing video games too much), we cannot just tell them: “Stop it.”

Why? Finding a substitute behavior that fulfills the initial need of the other behavior is absolutely vital. Here are some examples:

• Social connection: If you gain a sense of social connection by playing a MMO game, then simply stopping cuts yourself off from social inclusion (plus the fun!).

• Creativity: If you enjoy the accomplishment from building creative worlds in Minecraft, then stopping has the potential to leave you unfulfilled.

Success lies in offering a similarly fun, in-person social activity that you can do instead of the MMO – or a creative building activity instead of Minecraft.

Have a child who plays an excessive amount of video games? Take some time and ask in a nonjudgmental way about the games they’re playing. Go at it with the mindset of just learning for the purpose of learning. Maybe even play the games. Don’t pretend to be an expert on them. Just let your child teach you. Over time, the info helps you…

• Monitor the appropriateness of the games your child is playing.

• Bond with your child or teen

• Understand their motivations and the rewards they experience playing their games of choice.

If you believe their playing is excessive, this will help you brainstorm alternative activities. Remember, video games are a diverse and rich form of media—with motivations for playing as diverse as the games we play. In the process of learning your child’s preferences, maybe you’ll discover one you like.

R. Boccamazzo, PsyD, LMHCA

Dr. Boccamazzo is a doctor of clinical psychology and social skills coach with Aspiring Youth. In addition, he is the clinical director of TakeThis.org, a national nonprofit focused on mental health and the gamer community, runs a private psychology practice in Bellevue offering individual therapy and psychological assessment to adolescents and adults, and provides parent and clinician trainings on technology in psychology. Much of his work focuses on high functioning autism, problematic technology usage, social anxiety, trauma and games. In his spare time, he enjoys acting, cooking, board games and video games.

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